Who am I.

On the plane flying back from NYC in April, after being with my friends, I sat there looking out the window. Watching the things of life become smaller and smaller and smaller. Trying to figure out the great mystery. How can God know me? Who am I, I thought. Compared to all these things, these people, everything is so busy and I hardly have time to figure out my schedule let alone plan out how the pain in one persons life is going to minister to someone else 5yrs from now.

Jesus is my friend. Do you have friends that know you quite well? Or that you know very well? That when certain things arise, you could probably predict their reaction to the situation, with a +/-.0000025% accuracy? Do you know your spouse well enough to know how they feel about certain situations, and where they would like to be in 3 years? Do you have a friend that you call when you've fallen in the hole again, and need someone to throw you a rope?
Jesus is my Friend. He knows me. Very well. So to ask that question, who am I is something "the world" can never answer, without the love and friendship of Jesus. God has great things planned for me. Does that mean those plans are going to always bring me a smile or a million bucks? Nope. But his plans are there in order to bring Him glory and honor. During those times of life, the storms, the rainbows, the walks in the park, the hiding in the corner, the sobbing of grief, the questions of doubt, the wonder of majesty ... during those plans of God, I have his son Jesus as my friend. And to him I turn and say, Friend, I'm not sure what's going on, but will you just come over and sit with me for a while? Don't say anything, I just need to know you are there.
That's my friend, Jesus. Do you know him?

Denial - Sin or Self?

Last night, we were meeting for our Celebrate Recovery leadership team, and going through a dry-run of the first nights large group meeting. The first night is about "Denial".

One of the gentlemen in our leadership team, is a LPC in chemical dependencies and addictions, so I'm sure he has many of these "normal" object lesson stories, but this really hit me hard, and made me sit there and smile, realizing how exactly right his description was to my own circumstances of life. So let me try to re-tell the story for you.

Ok, just image we are all sitting around in a circle at my house (like we used to do) and lets say, the carpet below us is my life. I can move from here to there, left and right, around in circles, back and forth, stay on this side for a while, then move over here for a while, living my life. Doing what God has planned out for me to do. Except, I have the false sense of reality over here in my chair. Yes the brown one I always sit in. Its my chair. Here I find fulfillment of life, everything seems clearer from here, there's not any problems or struggles here in my chair, matter fact, life seems real easy here, and real comfortable. When I'm in pain, depressed, angry, struggling, tired, hurt.... I have my chair to sit down in and just rest and feel like there's nothing wrong. Its the false-life, b/c the chair itself does not really provide these feelings, its just a fantasy world of comfort.
Now everyone around can say, Steve, just get up, stop sitting there. Stop doing that, you don't need to be there, get up and "move around in life". Its as easy as that right? So I get up for a while, standing there, not really sure of which way to go... Should I go towards the front door? Or the kitchen? Maybe I'll just stand here for a while. And then I realize something. I say to myself, what am I doing. I'm so tired. This is so stupid. I have the fear of the future, not sure of what getting up looks like, feels like or acts like. But there is one thing I do know, that has brought me comfort in the past (or at least I thought it was comfortable, maybe just easy) I think I'll sit back down in my chair. Ahhh... Much better. This is what I know. Its easy for me. It brings me peace...Doesn't it?
No. Its the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting different results. It doesn't really bring about comfort or peace in our lives, but the denial of what its really doing, remove the feelings and pain that's brought about by the constant, habitual acts that are pulling us out of the life God has planned for us. We are not only not seeing God's way of life, we are fogging over, confusing our understanding, and creating our own "real life" in a world filled with pain, addictions, hurts, habits and hang-ups. They will never fulfill our need, they will never leave us satisfied... Oh maybe for a while, but days later, the pain and the hurt or the habit will return with greater power and a continual lust for more.

So I asked myself this last night, and I ask you this question: What is your chair? What is it we are holding onto, in fear of letting go? Not knowing where we'll end up, or how we will be used? Why do we keep going back to "my chair"?

I am excited about this ministry. Because of the hope in Jesus Christ for those of us out there clinging on to our chair in life.

What would you do different?

A question was given to me the other day, that I'd like to pass on to you, and get your take on the situation.

Q: If you could "redo" how church is, what would you do, what would you like to see?
A: I would like to see more real-life testimonies of people who have hurt, and have been healed by Christ.

What about you? What bugs you about church. Whether that be worship service, or whos there, what they are doing, etc.... I realize this may bring about a lot of "anonymous" folks who wish to remain nameless. But remember, as I have heard it said in the work-world, if you dont like how something is being done, have a solution before you bring out your complaint.

What does HIS church mean?

In our guys group last night, while discussing the topic of "Getting out of the boat" or taking that first step of faith, there was some discussion as to the direction of the church. How it needs to change. There were comments like:
-I hope the church in the future is better than it is now
-I hope the church is not so wrapped up in itself.
-What can we do?
-How can we step out of our comfort zone?
-What is my comfort zone?

So help me answer some of these questions. But before you do, here is my thought about the church.


I have heard it from a few others in different churches as to the direction of "the church". Should we be more outwardly focused? Shouldn't we offer an environment that appeals to the common folk? The visitor? The stranger to our church?
But where does this leave those of us "members" of the church already who are hurting with secret sins? Those who don't want to even get out of their comfort zone to seek healing? Do we just ignore those in our body already, to seek out those who are "really lost". Where does the comment, "The church is a hospital for sinners" fit in with this line of thinking? Why should we refocus our attention off of the hurting within the church, and being ministering to those who don't know? Do we really have an inviting environment for the common man to come in and seek healing for his pain?

Lots of questions... but that's how we grow. By being challenged.
Steve

who is your best friend?

i was reading Jackson's favorite book the other night, Poohs Heffelump Movie. He will not go to bed until its read. He even wants to flip through the pages and tell the story. So on the back cover, the Heffelump and Roo are walking off holding hands. So I said to Jack
"They are best friends, aren't they"
"Yeah"
"who is your best friend", i asked him
He pointed to me.
Hmmmm. I am my sons best friend. Isn't that great!!!!